as of 5 today i am officially done with college. leather jacket shenanigans freshman v. senior year. crazy to think all of that time has gone by. crazy to think its only been 4 years. definitely still haven’t processed it. just saw this picture of me from freshman year and couldn’t believe that its me. used to be able to just say “when i was a freshman” but i’m one week away from being a college grad. how truly bizarre. how truly wonderful.
STRESS STRESS STRESS STRESS MORE STRESS MORE STRESS AGAIN
last week of senior year. this should not already be happening.
seriously all i want to do is move to new york as soon as i graduate and i don’t even want a real job, i am totally fine with just working at a coffee shop, or learning to bartend which i’ve really always wanted to do and having time to volunteer at the farmers market, and take days off to go to music festivals and take yoga classes and just be able to be young and in the city but I HAVE NO MONEY and i don’t know how to deal with that realization because there is nothing i can do about that. unless i go live at home for a while i can’t do that, i have to find a real stable and solid job because thats the only way i can afford to move away is if i have something that is going to pay a substantial amount of money. i have nothing saved because of college. but if i move back home then i’m going to be away from my boyfriend not just for all of next school year but for the whole summer as well. i was kind of planning on having the summer to adjust to not living on the same street and if i’m in boston its going to be even worse than what we had talked about with syracuse and new york in the fall. i feel overwhelmed and trapped and scared all at the same time and that isn’t that strange because those are kind of the same thing when you think about it but i just have this image of the life i want to live and i don’t know how to make it happen.
what a terrible day. family was in boston when it happened but are all safe, thank god. every time i see pictures from the city where i have spent so much of my life it just chills me to the bone thinking about how many times i have walked those exact same streets. to see the images now and continue seeing videos and hearing reports…it is truly such a nightmare. all my love is in boston for a while.
so i found this website that does super cheap student trips to south america and interesting places in europe and i really just want to do that this summer because lets be real i’m not finding a job and also once i do when am i ever going to do this again but then i have no one to go with and also i have literally no money which is why i’m freaking out about post grad to begin with so its really not an option but like, is it acceptable to ask parents for a loan to go dick around in europe for a couple of weeks, because then if they were going to give me money they should just pay for me to go to new york right? WHY ARE THINGS SO COMPLICATED I JUST WANT TO GO TO EASTERN EUROPE AND BE HAPPY AND THEN COME BACK AND START MY LIFE
we may have lost the game last night, but i for one still feel pretty lucky.